Not Every Woman Is Meant to Be a Mother

This may be a touchy subject but I think it's something that needs to be said. Some women are not meant to be Mothers. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. I'm simply saying that it is a choice that we are given and one that cannot be taken lightly at all. Being a Mom is something that you will be for the rest of your life. A child is not an animal that you are going to get bored with and then send off to the pound or put on Craig's List. And don't expect to just drop that kid off with your parents when ever you feel like it to go off for a weekend or 16 years either. That's just not how God meant for you to take care of this little miracle.
I do want to commend those women who chose not to have children. Those wonderful women who realized that raising a family does not make them a whole woman just like marrying a man does not make you a better woman. BRAVO!!!!
It does scare me more then a bit to hear a woman say she wants to wait until she is in her late 30's or 40's to have her first baby. This is not healthy for her or the baby and my goodness, they just have no clue how much energy it takes to raise a child. There is a reason why our bodies are ripe in our 20's so that we can run after those kids instead of putting a leash on them or forcing them to be babyset by a TV all day and have their sponge like brains turn to mush.
Am I a good Mom? Was I a good Mom when my kids were little? Well, I know I made some mistakes, probably a lot of them but, I learned and I also learned from other parents. I also had to work but, I made time for my kids and I was there for them. I will admit my biggest mistake was in choosing their Fathers. And I have appologized profusly for that. I will also admit that I did one thing very right, Love. I freely give my children my love and support.
As an adopted child, I have always wondered who my parents are. I have very little to go on and I'm not going to use this forum to elaberate on that subject but I will say that I respect my Birth Mom for bing able to let go. I know it was not her decision but, she was able to let go and I can respect her for that. I could not let go. I will also add if she is looking for me, I've been looking for her since 1984.
I could have been put in the same position as my Birth Mom. I was very young when I was pregnant with Geoff. My reason for keeping my son was at the time based partly in the fact that I could not put a child up for adoption after being an adopted child. Maybe that was not a great idea, but, Geoff was the 1st of my greatest creations and I never for a second regreted having him or being his Mom even at 17.
Getting back to subject. I'll give you a great example, the woman who adopted me. She should never have been a Mother. Red Flag #1 She adopted my Brother & I because she didn't want to be bothered with pregnancies. I personally enjoyed my pregnancies, everyone of them including my 2 miscarriages. The joy of knowing you have a miracle growing inside of you is like no other.  Red Flag #2 She physically abused us on a daily basis. This made me do exact opposite with my kids.I smothered them with love instead of hate.  Red Flag #3 She had me working by the time I was about 5 years old. I started out with modeling in 71 and then singing in 72. I kept modeling until I was about 5 months pregnant with Geoff. The deal was if I was living under her roof, I had to be making money. She did not do this to my Brother though. And no, I did not see much of that money until I was about 14 years old and working full time jobs. Of course I did not do this to my kids. Amy did try out for 1 modeling agency on her own accord and I supported her through the auditions. I'd love to see my Grand Daughter get into modeling now because I know she is an "It Girl" not because I'm her Grandma but, because I happen to have a good eye. And if you are going to be a female model, you have to start early. Boy, I'm getting off subject again.
It's 1am. I'll finish this later, please feel free to make comments. Good Night.

I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I was born with a quadruple dose of sarcasm. Now when you are given a gift such as this, it cannot be changed unless of course a frontal labotome is preformed at a very young age and my parents decided to just lock me out of the house instead of paying for that surgical procediure. Once I was locked out, I was able to roam freely amongst like minded people who only encouraged me and  made my sarcasm disabilty blossom as I became a woman. Those people were called "Bikers & Musicians" and sometimes there are seen out in public during the day. You may recognize them as long haired leather trodden tattooed people usually with a cigarette in one hand and a guitar or parts of a Harley in the other. These were my people when I was young and when I see any now I am still drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Especially the musicans. I'd say most of my friends are still musicians even though they may be hiding it a tad bit with a day job to support a family and grandkids these days. And do I miss it? Being on stage? Oh yes I do. When I go watch my old friends preform I tend to pout a little at first want to be up there and take the singer's mic away. And God Forbid if a woman is singing that night because she will get the worst review out of me whether she was decent or couldn't carry a note at all. Jealousy is not pretty. I hate that my voice is messed up because of a hernia on my diaphragm but... I have a new Dr saying that he can fix it and I just might let him if he can do it when he takes out my gallbladder. I want a two  for one surgery this go round considering I will be having three surgeries in the next couple of months and I'm not looking forward to any of them. So...I might make it back on stage one day soon. BEWARE!!

Back to the sarcasm, where was I going with that any ways? Hmmmm. I use it as a tool to lighten up moods and to make people laugh. I can't help it if bizarre things pop into my head can I? They must be released immediately or it just becomes such a mess in there & I am not ready to clean that crap up! Oh here we go for another trip... Bikers are very accepting people. They took me for who I am and never tried to change me. They laugh at my jokes and tell me which ones are in bad taste. And boy do they have to taste bad to be spit out by those guys! I appreciate the honesty. Never did I get that from home when I was young, just a bunch of yelling or being used as a punching bag. So you can imagine I was there as little as possible.
I've sang with some amazing musicains over the years. Some were famous and others should have been but wanted to keep it small for whatever reason. I'm not going to drop names because I'm barefoot and some are really big and it would hurt! Let's just say I have been blessed to have come across the stage lights with some amazing people.
Crap, now I've lost my train of thought and it's 5:30 am. Blah! I need some sleep before I go off my rails on a crazy train! Oh Ozzy! SHARON!!!!

The year of the Dragon, Tick or Misquito?

Rolling down the driveway at the farm has been a new adventure this past week or so. The grass & weeds are about 2 feet tall and although it is only May 9th, we didn't have a winter and everything seems so confused out here in the country. Usually when the grass is this high, when you drive through it or walk in it, grass hoppers will jump out all over the place. Well not this year so far, I haven't seen a single grass hopper at all. What we are over run with is mosquitoes and they aren't the little ones by any means, these are the big boys, about the size of your palm! Driving between the driveway the mosquitoes suddenly come alive and fly up out of the grass and attack the car trying to get in at any cost. Quick, roll up the windows! Dang, too late, 5 have snuck in here already. And then there are the ticks. The tiny little blood suckers that latch on to your body and don't let go even if you have pulled their body off and the head remains. YUCK!!! Personally, I had never found a tick on myself in my life until this past month that I can recall and I have spent an awful lot of time in the woods being a bunny as you can imagine. My Father's family all had farms and my Brother and I were put to work on them when we were children. And as I got older I pretty much only felt truly at home when I was in the woods or off the beaten path in places like the Black Hills of South Dakota or Devils Tower, Wyoming. Never got 1 tick. Maybe I was just lucky or maybe the ticks respected me for who I was. Well not this year. I've taken off an average of 3-5 a day and I'm getting a little perturbed at the things. Now I'm even taking them off the horses. Lovely, a new job for me, "family tick remover". Now that will look just grand on a resume'.  One good thing I can say for mosquitoes, they don't stay on you like a tick does. Bring on the chiggers!

Time Warp

Time... it can do very odd things. For example when you are waiting for something, time can drag on and on. A week can act like a month or even a few moments can seem like an eternity. But then again when you look back through the years, a decade or more can seem like yesterday as you age. So how does this work you may ask. Well the mind does work in mysterious ways. It keeps our secrets and holds them hostage for us until we need them back or until it wants to let them go. By doing that, the memory feels like it is fresh because it hasn't been brought up to the surface in so long. Another good example of a time warp or stretch is when we are in pain or in an emergency situation. The time expands in our mind so that it can recall everything that happened in detail. Even if it's something that we would like to forget, it is going to be recorded somewhere in our brain or shall I say hard drive to be pulled back up at a later date not necessarily when we want it to but, when it is time to.
Being  a person who has brain tumors and has had a fairly major head injury several years ago, the wiring in my brain is all jacked up when it comes to memory. Whole years are missing and most of it is truly a blur. Sometimes people will come up to me and tell me stories of my past that I don't remember but what's really bad is that I don't have a clue who they are at all either. Luckily I do have little glimpses, bits and pieces that come through. Usually they are things that were traumatic to me a my brain was good enough to keep hold of it tightly. On rare occasions a mundane memory will come through. Maybe something like swinging on my Grandma's porch with my cousin or picking wild flowers in a meadow. Nothing special really to anyone else but it is to me since it's so rare. Now when it comes to pain, child birth is the absolute worst. Of course that is the natural way with no drugs and no c-section. And most Moms will tell you that the pain will fade away quickly as soon as you see that cute little baby's face. In some cases that is true. Like if you had less then 3 hours of labor and delivery. By the way, if you did have 3 hours or less, please don't tell me or I will most likely hurt you.
Time.... Can we ever truly have too much time on our hands? Why is there never enough time in a day? When time slips away, where does it go? And when time is wasted does it just fall onto the ground and seep into the dirt? If time is on Mick Jagger's side, can he share it with others? So many questions, so little time. It's 3:30am, time is up! Wait a second... if time is up, doesn't it also come down? Oh no!!!

Bunnies Do Scream

Edvard Munch's painting of "The Scream" sold at Sotheby's today for a record of $119,922,500.00 Personally, I do like the scream but, I really like "Bunnies Do Scream" better because it shows more emotions as far as I am concerned. Art is art. It says something different to everyone. And when art speaks deeply to us, we must have it. But for that much money? Now that is freaking insane! What would I have done with $120 million? Well lets see, after paying off my bills and my kid's bills and buying said children homes so they don't move in with me...I think Rick & I would take a luxury cruise to Italy where we go to Tuscany an buy the most beautiful Villa that was ever built right next to George Clooney's property. And in the livingroom, will be a copy of  "Bunnies do Scream." That's a good start.